1.15.2009

I don't know what to title this post...

remember when life was easy. 
full of playing in your plastic kiddy pool with your then cooler :) 
older cousin in your matching 1988 olympic bathing suits. 
wishing you were on the US swim team.
those were the days
...

I really don't know where to start. There is so much going on in my life right now. I started back to school and am currently taking on 18 hours of class, including  2 art classes which take more outside effort than a normal class, working part time, reading all the time for classes and studying. A lot of studying is going on. I want to make this semester my best one yet... academically that is. 

Before classes started I had my annual doctor's appointment. I went for my appointment and everything check out, except for something I have never given any thought to. The doctor asked me if I do self breast exams and I was like yeah sure sometimes... but I hardly remember to do so. As she examined me her face grew serious and she repeatedly tapped a certain area. I was like what the world... then she said it. You have a lump. What? Me? Yeah right. 

Well I did. She sent me directly down for an ultra sound to see what it was. The ultra sound was unsuccessful in determining what the lump was. So then they sent me on to do a Mammogram. Oh my... horrible. That is what we call that experience. 

I left the hospital that day feeling like I had no idea what to feel. All I could do was pray. And I did. A lot. 

I went to Mississippi and had an awesome time.

**Update on RD: He went to the doctor again today and learned that he would not have to have surgery, just physical therapy and a lot of TLC. He is excited about this because that means he will get babied more than I already baby his little tail!

I got a call from the doctor on Monday on my way back from taking RD to the doctor. They wanted me to see a surgeon. The mass had to go.

So today I went to see the surgeon. He told me that I could leave it and see, do a biopsy, or just go ahead and have it removed. He said eventually it would become cancerous but signs currently indicate that the mass is benign. However they are not doing a biopsy because either way I want it gone. Why chance it?

It is not going to make a dip or make me look deformed  .. so yeah.. take that joker off. After it is removed they can do more testing on it to determine more accurately what it is.

I hate surgery. I hate the fact that they said it COULD be cancerous. I hate the fact that the Dr. said that lumps can continue to develop. Scary.

I hate that people have to go through this. I cannot imagine someone going through breast cancer. I am freaking out over a lump and one procedure when there are people who deal with this everyday.  

I am going to call this post Blessed. Because that's we are. Every time you think you have it rough... think about those who have it worse. I want to be angry that I have to deal with doctors, nurses, hospitals, the endless paperwork and 3 days of laying in the bed afterwards.. but I just decided that there are people out there who deal with that on a daily basis. So I am going to see this as a blessing. Cause it could be WAAAAY worse. 

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way happy about this. I am just trying not to be so angry that it is happening. It stinks... no other way to put it, but I am trying to be more positive. I was so negative this morning when I found out that I was making myself sick. Then I talked to Shelley and RD who both re-assured me that every thing would be fine... from that point on I have tried to be more peaceful.

However... I am still working on it....

My surgery is next Friday at St. Vincent's. Please keep me in your prayers :) 

11 comments:

Sue said...

We will be praying for you and I feel that everything will be just fine. Pastor Jason wanted me to ask you if you could meet next Thursday night at 6:00 p.m. at his house for the committee he spoke to you about. Just let me know.

Sherree said...

I will be praying for you. I am sure that everything will be fine. Please let me know if you need anything.

Kimberly said...

Hi, I just came across your blog (love the elephant picture too, made me smile!)
I will pray for you too as you face this surgery... it's in God's hands and out of yours, so don't worry!
Blessings, Kimberly

Nana said...

Sweet Codie…
Be thankful, be sooo very thankful they found it now – so early!! That in itself was the first indication that God’s hand is on you, and on this situation baby!

I’ve heard many, many times the words “pre-cancerous”; and I know how scary it is! I’ve also had tumors, masses, etc. removed that were all tagged with that scary name. But they were all benign, all removed with little pain, and all with no problems afterward. I say that to tell you I know how you feel, and I know you will be just fine!!

Everything happens for a reason sweetie; and maybe – just maybe, you need some YOU time! Some time to rest. I follow your blog and you’ve been spending a lot of time lately taking care of everybody else but yourself. And now you’re adding these long, difficult classes. So in my spirit, I feel like God is giving you the opportunity to not only reflect on Him and His mercy and grace – but to also take care of you for a few days. To sort of rejuvenate yourself :-)

My prayers, my thoughts, and always my love are with you baby girl.
Tammy

K.ASH =] said...

i know you must be scared, so just remember, GOD'S ON YOUR SIDE! so the big guy scares all the other stuff away:] i'll be praying for you and wish you the best of luck with the surgery.

Fields of Plenty said...

My prayers are with you as you face this challenege. You are very brave and I just know things will be fine.

Joannie said...

I will definitely be praying for you!!! Unfortunately sometimes the waiting is the hardest part. The devil tries to use this time to destroy your faith! I say that because I have walked this road. My wonderful family, friends & church loved me through it! Just know that God is on the throne & in control of EVERYTHING! Continue to keep your faith strong through prayer!

Ashley Waldrop said...

Oh Codie... I am so sorry you have to go through this... I know how strong you are and I know you will come out of this stronger than ever! I will be praying for you and let me know if you need a friend over to watch CSI {even though I hate it} while you recover. I agree with Nana Tammy! Make this time for you! I love you!

Amy said...

I agree with you 100%...TAKE IT OUT! Just know that every day between now and next Friday...you'll be in my prayers. You know what the theme @ church is right now..."Nothing is too hard for God." I love ya, and I'm here for you.

Matt said...

Ditto what Kirsten said. When God's got your back, everything will be ok :)

B Scott said...

I hope everything went well and I'm guessing it did because I've seen where you posted on other blogs. I'm glad that it wasn't serious and I will continue to keep you in my prayers--just for safe measure!